Perhaps this morning you woke up to think: God, I need a blockchain frog that dances; That brings us to Pepe Coin. The first step? Crypto Wallet (Like a digital fanny pack without that one little annoying piece of thread that always gets stuck in your old sock drawer). MetaMask or Trust Wallet will suffice. Follow the instructions, write down your secret recovery phrase and please god do not let your goldfish near it. That is the reason he is skeptical about you. Find this information here!

Second, Ethereum — the lifeblood of most meme coins. There are still tokens you can grab from Binance, Kraken and Coinbase. It goes like this: register, verify, deposit and buy ETH. Its not rocket science — its just money. Hit the Send button and deposit your ETH into your wallet. Paste in your wallet address and discuss the ones you need to type — and for god sake proof, because once it is out of your hot little fingers there are no crypto refunds.

Now comes the frog hunt. The only Pepe Coin you should buy is the original. Watch out for cheap imitations. Go to the official website or Twitter and get this contract address right, because with all your future sanity you have to watch over it. And then hop on over to Uniswap for the swap of magic.

Then on Uniswap you connect your wallet (never give anyone your seed phrase, if a pop-up asks for it that is the digital version of a “Free Candy” van) Enter the Pepe Coin contract address in “Select a token” Try Payment Currency ETH Order first Ethereum on top If it is a Pepe Coin beneath Limit the amount of ETH you are willing to risk in this amphibious lottery — just don’t tap out. Meme coin prices can be erratic (jumping around like frogs on hot bricks), so put your slippage tolerance to about 2–3%.

Swap out, in your wallet of course, and Exhale. If you are thinking blockchain transactions take a while, worry not — there is no need for you to keep refreshing your screen a thousand times like some caffeinated squirrel. If Pepe doesnt already show up in your wallet, simply add it as a custom token using the contract address. Just copy-paste, click, and voilà.

Sounds easy, right? But, the devil is in the details. Do not deposit rent, and dont take every green frog that shines your way. Follow Pepe on Telegram or Discord but sure to only believe half the rumors you hear, as one-of-them will turn your green portfolio deep red before your coffee gets cold.

Save receipts: emails, screenshots, transaction hashes Maybe you’ll need them for taxes, disputes, or just to show your friends that yes, in fact you did buy a talking frog off the internet. So you better be the giant storytelling with wisdom in your pocket, rather than the fable they chuckle about later.

Okay voyager, you are still far from being Kermit, but here at least is a quick solace that you are no tadpole. Ribbit on.